I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
