R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
