dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
