Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
