he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
