He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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