haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's blow job season.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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