woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
