her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
