I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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