i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
