i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
