He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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