I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
