Umm I'm too high to move.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
