ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
