yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
