We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
