I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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