they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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