You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
