his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
