I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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