If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
