She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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