Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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