nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
