Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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