What a fucking waste of an outfit
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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