Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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