I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize