I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
