the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
