There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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