Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
