I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
