I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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