IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
