Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The air taste purple.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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