I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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