my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
