How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
