using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
