i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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