I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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