Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
