Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
