Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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