Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
