Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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