taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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