Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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