I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
