What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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