I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
