I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
