You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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