I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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