i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
