i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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