alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got her a Nickelback box set.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize