So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
