maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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