I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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