if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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