I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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