i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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