You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
