That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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